About three Christmas's ago, I was shopping at Target and saw this wooden house with 25 little doors...places to put small little treasures for little hands to find. We had just failed our IUI a few weeks prior.
I picked it up. I held it. I carried it around the store while I daydreamed about putting it in a very special place in our house. I envisioned our beautiful child (yes, Little Miss, I knew you would be a beauty long before you were born) waking up with excitement and opening each little door to find a treat or trinket. I thought about what a fun tradition it would be - I have never been a big holiday fan and have put it on my list of "Things I don't want to pass down". I also thought about the day that you would talk about what a fun tradition it was.
And yet through all this daydreaming and debating, I couldn't bring myself to purchase it. I just couldn't be sure that there would ever be a child in our house. And I couldn't bring myself to take the risk.
And the next Christmas I saw these houses at Target again - only I didn't pick one up and daydream about. We had failed our first cycle of IVF that previous summer.
Today, while having a little mommy time, I saw one of these houses yet again - only this time I purchased it with little hesitation for you, Little Miss. I hope you enjoy it. I hope it becomes one of those traditions that you talk about when you are an adult. But if you don't like it or talk about it when you're older, it's okay. Purchasing it was as much for me as it was for you. It is a symbol of the fact that I no longer have to take the risk.
It was a happy day.